Viva la Bombshell
by esentrik
Summary: What the hell happens when you cross one of fiction's greatest bad-asses and fiction's biggest murder-magnet.
1. Chapter 1

"Life sucks." I said, ouloud to anyone who would listen.

"Girl, you just gotta play your cards right, thats all." Lula stood a few feet away from me, her hands placed firmly on her hips.

Connie straightened out her newspaper. Lula turned around and stared at her. We both knew she was esedropping. "Anything to add, Connie?" I asked.

"The weather in Phoenix is going to be hot. Again." Connie said without looking up.

"Where the hell is Phoenix?" Lula asked, and ploped down onto the couch beside me.

"Arizona." I said, and instantly was hit with a wave of greif.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO GO?" I whined.

"We need a male and a female represenative. You're out best female."

That was a step up from where I thought I was. That ment that the best male bounty hunter from this office would only be a hallway down. DAMN! Why did I get stuck with this stupid "Bounty Hunter Convention"?

"Look. Here's your face on the cover of this magazine." Connie quickly opened the drawer to her desk and tossed me a magazine.

Bounty Hunter, that was the title. How original. And there I was, on one of my better days. My hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail, and my shirt was sorta clean. You could see the waistband of my jeans, and the tops of my thigh's, and the rest of my legs ran off the page. I was ducked in a army-run, with one arm at my side gripping my Smith and Wession. The picture was recent. Really recent...like...last Tuesday.

I checked the top. The issue date was Sunday. Today was Thursday. Below the issue date was the title, "Bombshell: Beauty or Beast?"

I flipped through the magazine, past the handcuff and gun ads, to the article. There was three pages of it. In red, there was the title, "Beauty" and then on the opposite page was "Beast." In the top corner, there was a picture of me in my distraction get-up. And then in the lower right-hand of the last page, there was me, covered in mud and Gretchen Worley's pizza. Read the article through a few times, memorising every detail. "I looked great in anything, even pizza... Car-deffecent... Information magnet..." the list was endless.

I looked up at Connie. "Where'd you get this?"

"Found it in Vinnie's office." At that, I threw the magazine a few feet infront of me, and it kept sliding until it was under the filing cabinet. "You know what he's probably done with that?" I squeaked.

"That's why your going. There EXPECTING you to be there." Connie said, and fished the magazine out from under the cabinet.

"Shit." I muttered. "Got any skips I can get before I leave?"


	2. Chapter 2

I sat in the airport garage for a few minutes, gathering my thoughts. There wasn't much to gather, so I slid out on the asphalt. The garage smelled like cheep pine air freshener and old cigerettes. You could hear the roar of the planes landing and taking off. I looked at Big Blue, and then to the guy who had parked a few rows down. He was bent over his engine, unscrewing his distributor cap.

I looked back at Big Blue again. What are the odds of a powder blue '53 Buick just dissapearing. There must be only three on the whole planet, so hiding it would be hard. Everyone in Trenton and the surronding areas knew my Buick. But in respect for Uncle Sandor, I poked under the hood and took the cap off... just in case.

I held the cap in one hand and slammed the hood down. Now what to do with it? I stared at it as I came around the car to get my luggage. I reached in my pocket with my free hand to find my keyes, and my body hit something. My body stopped, but my head didn't, and I ended up bouncing off the object. I blinked a few times, and looked up.

"Should be more aware of your surroundings, Babe." Ranger grinned down at me. Jerk.

He steped out of the way, and I proceeded to unlock the trunk to get my bags. Ranger took the cap from me, and pitched it into the depths of the trunk. I closed the lid, and set my rollie suitcase on the ground.

First, I saw the shoes. They were shiny and black, work boots all the same, but fancy work boots. My vision traveled up his leg, up the washed out black jeans. Followed by a dark brown leather tie with a cowboy-ish belt buckle. A silky button down shirt -black, what else?- with a navy green tie. His hair was still slicked back and pulled into a ponytail.

Me on the other hand, had tar crud splashed up my jeans and I had managed to find a shirt with less than three holes. The skips weren't skipping, and my wardrobe wasn't happy. And to top it off, my underwear was wedged so far up my ass it was unbearable.

"Where you waiting for me in the garage?" I asked him as we walked towards the enterance.

"No. Followed you down the turnpike. You should check your mirror more often, I could have been a bad guy." He joked and held the door open for me.

"Yeah, I wish." I muttered, but he heard me.

I manuvered my bag to the security check. There was about two shirts and one pair of pants too many in the suitcase, and it made it awkward to carry. When I got to the front, I heard the oh-so-familiar, "Ms. Plum, I need to ask you to step aside. This is just routine..."

I looked back at Ranger, who was grinning from ear to ear. Aparently he thought this was funny. He steped through the detectors as I was being wanded. The sensors went off. Ranger rolled his eyes, and the security guard pushed him back through. Ranger removed the studs in his ear, which he ws convinced were aluminum and wouldn't trigger the sensor. He took another step, and it beeped madly at him again.

Ranger looked at the ceiling for a very long time, taking deep breaths in and out. The guards had finished waving the wand around me, and had begun to paw through my luggage. The pulled out my "emergency" bag, and unzipped it. They dumped all the contents on the metal table, and poked at each one. I glanced up, and saw Ranger lift his shirt over his head. There were four additional guards, each one with a dog at their heals. Ranger caught my eye, and I made a face.

He scrunched his nose, half to keep from laughing, and half from yelping, as one of the dogs ran up to sniff his crotch. I laughed harder, and he flashed me a stiff middle finger.

"Honey, your boyfriend is the shit." One of the paw-ladies said.

"Co-worker. Not really a boyfriend." I said. Ranger was a mercenary, a Ranger, a bounty hunter, a bad-ass, a mentor, Rambo, Professor Higgins, Batman, a wizard, but not a boyfriend.

"Damn. That means he's single?" The woman looked at me with wide, pleading eyes.

"Good Luck." I said, and the guards let Ranger go, finally.

He stood over my shoulder, and watched the ladies re-pack my suitcase. I grabbed it, and Ranger readjusted his tie. "Babe, let me ask you one thing."

"Shoot." I said, stopped and turned.

"What was with the birth control and the condoms?" The wicked grin of the east spread across his face, like he was thinking of what to do with them.

I gave him a hard shot to the shoulder. "Things happen." I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Ranger chuckled and recovered from the gentle push. We choose seats as a little way from the gate, to aviod the suirming children going on a summer vacation. Who ever wanted to visit Arizona was beyond me. It was hot and sticky, and sunny and -wait a minute! BATHING SUIT WEATHER!

Thats what I had forgotten. I knew I had left something when I locked up my apartment. Damn. For once in my life, my gut didn't hang out of my two piece. They have a Macy's in the Grand Canyon State right?

"I'm sure they do, Babe."

"Did I say that out loud?!"

Ranger smiled. I twisted in my seat so I could look him directly in the face. Something was ticking. Comdoms, bikini, vacation... woo hoo.

"Don't even think about it." I said, and Ranger shook his head disheartened.

Then, from out of nowhere, Vinnie took a seat next to me. "When'd you guys get here?" He asked.

"A while ago." I said.

"Where the hell have you been?" Ranger asked, and looked Vinnie over.

Vinnie was worse than I was. His kaki pants were wrinkled. His tie was loose and lopsided. One sock stuck out of his pocket, the other not visible in his Italian Loafers. One side of his hair was sticking straight up, and the rest of it was greasy and messy. Ick.

"Why'd you even ask?" I whispered to Ranger, with my back still turned to Vinnie.

"Traffic." Vinnie said, like he had just found the perfect lie. "Yeah...lost of traffic. Tunnel got backed up, for a long time."

That sentence had double meanings, and both Ranger and I cringed. Ranger turned in his seat with his back up against the arm rest, both knees tucked together. That's when I saw him. He held his finger to his lip and I got the hint. I concentrated on my shoelace, untying it and then screwing around with the laces until I could see his shadow.

"Confy Ric?" Tanks big voice boomed, once he had claped one of his huge hands over Ranger's shoulder.

Ranger looked up backwards at Tank. "Sure." He said, then looked back at me.

"He's coming too?" I whined.

"Yeah. You really think Ranger can take care of himself?" Tank joked.

Ranger looked back up at him, and spit in his face. Tank whiped his cheek with the sleeve of his shirt, and shoved Ranger to the ground. I had to admit, that wasn't an easy task. Ranger, now on his back, grabed Tank's ankle, and Tank came down aswell. They began to wrestle, rolling and punching. Tank's head hit another seat, and he rolled off of Ranger. He sat on his back for a minute looking dazed.

He sat up, and held out his hand for Ranger. Ranger took it and pulled Tank to his feet. "Jeez man, that hurt!"

"Sorry." Ranger said, and sat back down.

Most of the airport was looking at us. "Flight 97, Phoenix Arizona is now boarding."

Ranger was the first one out of his seat, luggage in hand. One of the flight attendants eyed Ranger like he was lunchmeat, undressing him with her eyes. I sped up, and wraped one of my arms in his. I could feel him looking at me, and we took out seats. Vinnie had splurged and got us all first class. Me next to Ranger, Vinnie on the other side in the window seat, next to who of all people but Les Sebring. Sebring owned the other Bond's office in Trenton.

"Jealous Babe?" Ranger leaned over and whispered in my ear and ordered us a glass of chamaine each.

To tell all, yes. Ranger and I never had a "thing" but he was still special to me. He'd grown to be more like a brother than a boyfriend. I guess I was jealous though.

"Maybe, what's it to you?" I said playfully, and he tugged on my ponytail.

Vinnie was making small talk with Sebring, and Sebring unziped his carry on and pulled out the copy of the magazine. "You read your article yet?" He asked me, leaning across the aisle.

"Yes. Did you?" I looked at Ranger.

"Framed it on the wall. _I_ didn't even make the cover of Bounty Hunter." I only hoped he was joking.

Tank sat behind us, and was completely wasted by the time we touched down at Sky Harbor Airport. Vinnie ran off with Les the minute we got off the plane, and Ranger held Tank up as we looked for our bags. "What do his look like?" I asked, and set my piece and Ranger's next to them in a pile.

Ranger had wrestled Tank onto a bench, where they were both sitting. That also made it easier to find bags with just one person too. "I think his was navy."

I nodded, and jogged back to the baggage claim. Navy bag after navy blue bag whizzed past me. Only one had the Rangeman Emblem on it. It had the rollie wheels on it and everything. I shouldered my bag and drug Tank's, and Ranger took his and held Tank up at the waist. This was so much unlike Jersey. There were a few cabs, but not near as many as there were in Trenton. I looked at Ranger, and he looked back. Neither of us knew Phoenix, Arizona.

"Wanna just rent a car?" I asked.

Ranger looked at Tank, who's head had rolled onto Ric's shoulder and had begun drooling. "Ick." Ranger said and trugged back into the Terminal.

They sat back on the bench, which now on the other side sat a little old Chinese lady. I walked up to the Enterprise counter. "Do you take last minute rentals?" I asked sweetly.

"Let me see what I can do. What kind of car are we looking for?" The tall blond behind the counter asked.

"See that drunk guy and the other Rambo looking dude?" I asked and pointed at Ranger and Tank.

The guy behind the counter nodded, half afraid. "I need something that they will both fit in."

The counter clerk began keying, and then he swiveled the screen towards me. "The best we can do is a Jeep Wrangler."

I lounged up against the counter and studdied Ranger and Tank for a minute. Could I stuff them into a Jeep? "Got a truck or anything?"

"Nope, sorry."

"I don't suppose you have two compact cars?" Again, the kid began to type.

"Sorry ma'm. Everything's rented out. Summer is our fast months. Try over there." The kid waved over to Hertz.

"Thanks" I smiled and walked back over to Ranger.

"Best they can do is a Jeep." I said and sat between the chinese lady and Tank.

"Can't fit a drunk man in a Jeep, can we?" Ranger jabbed at Tank, but Tank was out cold.

I got up again, and checked with the other rental company. This time, I was in luck. They had a Dodge Durango. Big enough for the three of us and out luggage. "Do you by any chance have a black one?"

This time, there was a middle aged woman behind the counter. She clicked on something. "Lucky day. One." She exclaimed and wrote down a few numbers onto a form. "Sign here."

I was handed a pen, and I signed my name onto a dotted line. "That your boyfriend?" The lady asked me as she handed me a set of keyes.

"Cousin." I said. I was getting tired of that question. "His dad was Cuban."

The lady glued her eyes to Ranger, and she still was when she left. Ranger opened the back door and hearded Tank into the SUV. Then, he held out his hand for the keyes.

"No way. I ain't sitting back there with him. Look at him, he's gonna puke!" I made a face. Someone would have to sit with him though.

"Why me?" Ranger said, and strapped himself in next to Tank.

"Where's the hotel?" I asked and gripped the steering wheel.

"Holiday Inn, Tempe." Ranger said, and pulled a map from his bag.

Arizona was a sight. There were Indian markings on the overpasses, and the landscaping was rock. "I've never seen this much brown, ever." I said to Ranger.

Ranger remained quiet in the backseat, in his zone.

I pulled into the hotel parking lot. Tank was moaning and groaning, but he was still out like a light. Ranger ran inside and checked all three of us in. He came back quickly. "There's a problem. They lost our reservation."

I jumped out of the car, and followed him inside. "We're so sorry Mr. Manoso, Ms. Plum." The desk clerk had a spanish accent.

"It's alright. What can you do to fix it?" I asked. The jet lag was beginning to hit me.

"Lets see. We have two available rooms for tonight, and then we have another one available tomorrow." I looked at Ranger. One of us was going to have to bunk together.

"Excuse us." Ranger said and led me outside.

"One of us is going to be roomies." I said.

"You ever seen Tank with a hangover. I'd personally rather shoot myself!" Ranger exclaimed.

"So what you're trying to say is we leave him in a room and we share one?" My heart was getting all jumpy at the idea.

"Personally, I'd rather put him in a different hotel completley, but we really don't have time for that. There's the Convention Dinner tonight at six." Ranger ran his hands over his head, maybe trying to run it through, but all his hair was slicked back.

"Is he really that bad?" I asked as we turned away.

"Yes." We came through the door, and he stopped and put his hands on my shoulders. "You trust me, right?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"You trust me to keep my hands to myself." Ranger looked down on me, not even showing a sign that he might have been joking.

"You better. I haven't been on the pill for weeks." I smiled, and he smiled back.

Ranger turned to the desk lady. "We'll take the two you have now."

I tugged on his sleeve and motoned towards the car. He got what I was asking, so I went out and began to get out luggage out of the back. Ranger grabbed Tank's bag, and handed me a key. "234, top floor."

I looked up to the third, and top, floor. Then down at out luggage. Ranger had busied himself with Tank, leaving me to drag our luggage up both flights of stairs. "There's an elevator Babe." Ranger said and began to walk Tank to a tan set of sliding elevator doors.

Tank ended up being down the hall from us. I dropped his bag at the door, which Ranger had dissapeared behind. Then I trotted down the hallway to our room. I slid the key in, and the little lights turned green. I poped the door open.

There were two neatly made beds. Along the back wall was a doulble sink. I pulled one of the two chairs from around the little table to prop the door open. The bathroom was compact, barely giving you room to pee. But, atleast I didn't have to sleep with Ranger. It wasn't him I was afraid of. It was my god-damned Hungarian hormones.

This is my last fic post of the year. I've got two weeks of winter break starting, and with no school, that makes it practically impossible to get to the library. When I get back though, I promise ton's new chapters for all my other stories.

For everyone who has written a story, I am going to miss it. They are all fantastic, with great plot lines, and I can't wait until I get back to read them! Thank you everyone for your great reviews! See Ya next year!- Esentrik


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm hungry." I said, perched from my spot in the middle of my bed.

Ranger observed the room in silence. He smiled and shut the door. "Looks like it's gonna rain." He said flatly.

"Smells like it too." I said.

It was 109 degrees here, and the forecaster said there was a chance of rain later this afternoon or early tomorrow. Saying that it didn't dry up before it hit the ground. Everything looked like it needed water, and hadn't gotten any in a long time.

My cell rang, and I pulled it out of my pocket to check the ID. "Yo." I answered, even though I didn't want to.

"I didn't get your hotel info. Or Ranger's." Vinnie croaked.

"Holiday inn. Off the 101, on Ray road. Room 234." That was all I knew that I could tell him.

"And Ranger?" He asked.

"Same. They lost the reservations." I made a mental note to talk to Connie about this. She organized the damn thing.

"Fuck." Vinnie swore softly.

"Lose yours too?" I asked, and for a split second, I felt sorry for Vinnie.

"Fuck yes." He spat.

"You can bunk with Tank." I sugested, and Ranger just shook his head.

I smiled sweatly and arranged for Vinnie to come get a key. He looked into out room. "Maybe I should bunk with Stephanie."

"No! I am not sharing a room with you. That's gross!" I yelled from my bed.

"Why not? I'm your cousin." He said defensively.

"You'll jerk off under the covers." I shivered and Ranger's lip curled.

"Fine." Vinnie said and put the keycard into his pocket.

Ranger closed the door and flashed 200 watts. "What says I won't jerk off."

I threw a pillow at him, because he was kidding. I hope.

I decided that was enough of that talk, and I needed to get ready for this Bounty Hunter shindig. I closed the bathroom door. My shower only lasted a record breaking three minutes. The mental image of Ranger jerking off didn't settle well.

I stuffed myself into the little dress I had planned to wear to Joe's cousin's wedding, but had chickened out. And I knew Ranger liked it, so...

His eyes roamed my body, breast to thigh, and back up again. Then his eyes met mine. "There was a Walgreen's down the road..." His voice trailed off.

"Don't even think about it. Go shower." I pointed stiff armed to the bathroom.

He sat up from his laying down position and found his suit in his suitcase. The moment he dissapeared, I got out my little cosmetics bag. I lined up my gel, my hairspray, my mousse, and the other hair essentals. I didn't need all of them, but it was best to bring them all. I reached over to plug in my hair dryer, and sparks shot out of the wall and the lights dimmed.

"Babe?" Ranger called, the water still running.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" I screamed.

A moment later, Ranger stepped out of the miniscule bathroom, dripping wet with a towel around his waist. "Be amazed if you didn't knock out the power to the whole building."

"Get dressed. I need to do my hair, and it's too dark." I said and walked over to the blinds.

Ranger's hand flew to his forehead, and I imagined him saying, "Why me?"

He shook his head again and stepped back into the bathroom. He emerged fully dressed, with a tie in his hand. I walked back to the counter after drawing the blinds, and looked at the hair dryer. "Don't even think about it." Ranger whispered in my ear, then stood infront of the mirror to do his tie.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

There was a sharp knock on the door, and Tank let himself in, followed by Vinnie. "You too almost ready? He's driving me nuts."

Ranger checked his watch. "We sent him away ten minutes ago."

"Yeah. Doesn't take long does it." Tank glanced at Vinnie, and Vinnie cowered lower.

"Yeah, were almost ready." I said, checking myself out in the mirror. I looked fine in the dark.

"What happened to your lights?" Vinnie asked.

I looked to Ranger, who took a step into the hall. Tank followed. So, I assumed I should follow. "Hey, wait! You didn't answer me!" Vinnie said and trailed us.

We took one car, with me sandwiched between Tank and Ranger in the front and Vinnie all alone in the back. We took one car because Tank and Vinnie were planning on getting hammered. I wasn't planning on it, but it was going to happen. And Ranger never got hammered. Actually, I'd never seen Ranger drink anything but a single glass of wine.

Ranger was driving in his zone. Tank was also in a zone, but his brain was still pounding against his skull, so he had his head propped against the window. "Do you know where you're going?" I asked after a long silence.

Ranger looked down at me and smiled. Not the usual Ranger smile. The kind a man gives when he's lost. Great.

"Why don't we ask for directions?" I asked.

"Babe." Ranger said, his eyes peeled to the road again.

We made it to the convention center on the dot of seven. Here, in the summer time, the sun was still up in the sky and blinding the residents of Arizona. There was a table reserved for us. We were waved at by a few of the not-so known bondsmen out of Trenton, and Les Sebring got up and gave Vinnie a hard handshake.

Drink orders were taken, and a short, round guy got on stage and began a speech. "There's a question many of you face daily. Why are you a bondsmen? Or, why are you a apprehension agent? What makes you any different from everyone else."

This is where I lost focus. I was different because I blew up cars and buildings, and an occasional person. I'm an agent because I have nothing else to be. The job as wonder woman was taken.

Ranger was sitting in front of me, his back turned to me and he was listening to the man on stage. He turned around. "Are you hearing any of this?" He whispered.

"What?" I whispered back.

He smiled, tucked my hair behind my ear again, and turned back around. So, I tried again. "The main reason to being an apprehension agent is to protect civilians. You are riding the streets of criminals." He was saying.

"I don't protect civilians, I blow them up!" I whispered to Ranger.

He leaned backwards so that I could hear him, but he was still watching the man. "Never a civilian, babe."

That was true. Tank beside me got the hiccups and sloshed a little Jack Daniels down my arm. He tried to apologize but he hiccuped again. Then again. And again. He stood up and left the room.

We endured the two hour sermon while dinner was served. Herb roasted chicken with a bean substance and a baked potato. By the time my plate was clear, the rounded man was saying his final words. "Being a bondsmen or apprehension agent isn't a bad thing. It is a blessing."

I rolled my eyes and chewed the last of my beans. By this time, Vinnie was tipsy of happy, and Tank was full out drunk. I was on the verge of being happy. And I wasn't going to drink anymore.

It was a little past eleven when we left. We packed Tank and Vinnie in the back of the truck, and me and Ranger in the front seat. The sun had gone down, but the air was still hot and sticky.

We pulled into the hotel lot at a quarter till midnight. Ranger herded Tank and Vinnie to their room, and I split to our room. I drew the blinds closed to the streetlight and unbuttoned my jeans. I crawled into bed. I heard Ranger come in, quiet as a mouse. He stripped into his boxers and crawled into the adjacent bed.

I couldn't sleep. The sudden change in temperature, the change in environment, the change in company. Underneath the sheets, I was getting sweaty and sticky and gross. I sat up, peeled off my shorts, then slipped back into bed. I was still getting sweaty, but it felt better now.

I was asleep for a good hour or so, when I was awoken by a loud cursing. I looked up, and Ranger had gotten out of bed, and was now searching it with his mag light in hand. "What are you doing?" I asked, my voice still laced with sleep.

He brought the flashlight down and slammed on the bed. "Gotcha, you little bugger." He said, then looked at me. "Sorry babe. Just a scorpion. Go to bed."

"Scorpion!" The sleep was gone from my voice, replace with raw fear. "Where? Are there anymore?"

I brought my knees to my chin, and curled into a ball. Ranger walked around his bed and sat on the edge of mine. "It's alright. I got him. I'm sure there was just one."

"Did he get you?" I asked, realizing that I sounded like Mary Alice, Valerie's little girl.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Like a gunshot wound." He laid me back down in bed.

"Ranger, what if there's one in my bed?" I shot back up.

So, we did a very thorough under my covers, and came to the conclusion that there was no longer any scorpions in our room. I was tucked into my bed, and Ranger tucked himself into his. I hated scorpions worse than spiders, snakes, and guns. Okay, not worse than guns, but worse than not finding a parking spot on a kick ass sale.

"Ranger, what if there's little baby scorpions in your bed still?" I asked, not sure if he'd fallen back asleep.

He gave a defeated sigh, and I heard the covers ruffle. Then the coils on the side of my bed squeaked. I rolled over, and stared up into his face. For once, the defense he worked hard to put up was gone. He looked tired, defeated and amused. Definitely amused.

"Would it make you feel better if I slept in your bed?"

"Yes." I stammered and rolled back on my side.

He gave another sigh and curled up around me. "Where'd he get you?" I asked.

"Babe." Ranger said, in an almost whiny voice. It was almost whiny because Ranger didn't do whiny. "In the back. Now get to sleep." 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I woke up, my head laying on a warm chest. Last I remembered, my shoulder had gone numb and there was a pain in my upper back. Now, there was no pain.

I lifted my head, and opened my eyes. The room was lit, though the blinds were pulled closed. I looked at the person in bed with me.

Then I closed my eyes, shook my head and took another look. That wasn't Stephanie. That was...me.

I wasn't one for supernatural junk. I don't believe to jinx's, curses, voodoo, aliens, magic potions, and time travel. Most people say I'm level-headed. But this. A dream.

"Babe, wake up." I said, though not in my voice.

I watched as my head moved. "Give me five more minutes."

"No babe, now. Please?"

My head lifted, and my eyes opened. "Holy Shit!"

My body jumped out of bed, leaving me cold on the top of the bed sheet. "Ranger!" I exclaimed.

"Please tell me this is a dream. I has to be." I began to pace. Or, Stephanie began to pace in my body.

"Let's see. I went to bed as me. I got stung by a scorpion, then went to bed WITH you. Then I wake up AS you." I said, sitting up and wrapping myself up. Stephanie's body wasn't as warm as mine.

"That's about it." Stephanie sat on the edge of the bed and watched me.

"I don't want to be you." We both said at the same time.

"I don't want to be you." Stephanie repeated, then continued. "You're scary. You shoot people. Your best friend is named Tank."

"I really don't want to be you either." I said. "You don't shoot people. Your have too much hair."

"Hey, I have as much hair as you do!"

"But it's Italian hair. Unmanageable."

"Yeah, well, your balls itch."

Our first fight in each other's bodies. Cute. I opened my mouth to complain about the blowing up cars situation, when the door swung open. "Morning Boss. Morning Bombshell." Tank strode in, carrying a cup of coffee and a bagel.

"Hi, Tank." Stephanie said, then sidestepped into the bathroom.

"There's coffee downstairs. Warm." Tank said to me. Only he didn't say it to me. He said it to Stephanie, who was taking a pee in my body.

My life was already screwed up enough. Did I need this? 


End file.
